“Stress” a simple word yet it holds lot of meaning to it . Every day i become more and guilty . That i am the reason of stress to my family . I hold myself responsible for coming back in there life. If i had not been there , there life would have been so peaceful.
Sometimes, this guilt is too much too take. Sometimes, i just want to ran away from home. I give them stress for not listening to them . I give them stress , for acting so thick skinned that their words don’t affect me at all . I should have not shown it doesn’t affect me , but shown the 5 minutes after words have been spoken …my real feelings…which i hide it.
Sometimes, i think had i not returned here… my sister would have been so happy.. she wouldn’t have to listen to all … which are said to make me hear . Every day .. every single moment.. i wish i was not here.. !! I sometimes can’t take it . Can’t get over it . Cannt stop thinking about it . People say , you should put your energy into something useful..but how is that , “that simple”. Hearing everyday that you are a disappointment , hearing hurtful words, hearing every second as some kind of nail is being slowly put into my heart . You know what is the most hurtful thing you don’t feel the pain anymore.. because you have got habituated to it . Some words are terrible, make me think they are actually true. They are all true, that’s the hardest part … i just can’t accept my reality .. that i have failed in my life struggle. I just can’t get up again the next moment and think everything is going to be alright because it is not going to be. I will still be the same person who gives her parents stress.. a person whose sister would be thinking it would have been better if she was the only child. I had disappointed my family , everyone.. i can’t talk to someone about it. I am believing everything everyone says .. i just have lost myself .. in this crowded world ..!! i am lost and i can’t seem to find myself .